Wednesday, February 23, 2005
In the frum dating community, this happens automatically as a guy gets older. The older a guy gets, the more advantageous the dateable guy/girl ratio becomes. Take moshe for example. At 21, Moshe, along with most of his friends, begins to date. He like most of his friends is in college, has pretty good job prospects, avg. look/height and build, regular "nice" personallity and middle-upperclass parents. Such stats put moshe in around the 50th percentile in the shidduch market. When moshe becomes 24, however, a large bulk of the top 25% have married, and are no longer his competition on the dating market. Moshe now stands at the 75 percentile of dating and constantly gets set up with more desirable women than before. By the time moshe hits 26, the only single guys left besides him, have either turned very modern, have really crappy jobs, or just are otherwise very creepy (or just fears commitment). Moshe now stands at about the 95th percentile in the dating market and gets set up with the highest quality girls in the 23 to 25 range.
With girls, on the otherhand, you can still find a good percentage of quality at the 23+ age range. Of course, many of the most desirable girls will have been snatched up before they hit 21, but there is less disparity overall between girls in the 50th-75th percentile of desirability. There are many reasons why, as age increases, there is a higher proportion of quality girls than guys (which is a discussion for a later time), but if you ask any 24 year old girl how many dateable guys there are, there is no doubt that she will respond with a look of disappointment and despair.
So avg. guys: if you feel you aren't getting set up with enough attractive/wealthy girls, just take a break from dating and resurface at the age of 25. While you will remain the same ho-hum dud you were before, at least now you have a better shot of landing a pretty girl.
*This does not apply in the West side where everyone is over 25
** There are many other factors that come into play in getting a desirable girl, so while being older improves your odds, it does not guarantee it.
Monday, February 21, 2005
. . .Of course, if Rava really wished to flummox his colleague, he could
have asked a much simpler question: What`s your hashkafa?
We can only speculate as to the witty retort this would have
engendered in Talmudic times. Nowadays, however, this question is asked
with the greatest of seriousness, and numerous judgments about a person, both major and minor, are determined based on the reply. Indeed, if a potential shidduch survives this question, the prospect of a first date jumps from inconceivable all the way up to highly unlikely. With so much hanging in the balance, it is no wonder that many of us dread the inevitable demand to label ourselves. To wear an unfashionable label is to ride next to trouble on a one-lane highway. In today`s world of sound bites, snap judgments, and instant gratification, it can be a mistake beyond repair.
Is it just me, or is the point of endthemadness not to help people find the right match, but rather to help people find first dates, regardless of compatibility? It appears that endthemadness is catering to a crowd where getting a first date is "inconceivable", or at best "highly unlikely." Chananya feels, after experiencing much failure in his attempts to procure first dates, that the shidduch crisis is caused by people who cant get dates. This completely ignores that fact that most singles who are considered part of the "shidduch crisis, usually have been out with over 50+ (sometimes even more) different people. Its highly unlikely that people refusing to go on dates is what is causing the shidduch crisis.
Chananya, did you ever stop and think for one second that when girls use "labels" and "hashkafas" as an excuse not to go out with you, it is just that, an excuse? Maybe, just maybe, there is some other reason that these girls arent going out with you and your friends. Judging from your articles and website, I cant think of any reasons, but maybe could think of some.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Yes, im sure you truely believe that your wench of a girlfriend is, in fact, very pretty, but odds are, she isnt. Asking your friend to confirm your distorted perception of reality is rather pathetic.
Monday, August 09, 2004
The most common answer I receive for this question is "mike, you can always have both, so why would you even bother asking such an irrelevant question?" While this is true, I raise the question as a hypothetical, for I feel it may be helpful to those who are unfortunate enough to be faced with such a dilemma.
The actual answer, as you would expect, is not so simple.
The first factor that must be considered is what is your interest in the girl. If your interest is to marry the girl, for god knows what reason, then there is no question that the face is the most important. The reason for this is simply because if you chose a girl with a ho-hum face, once the girl has children her body will fall apart, and you will be left with a girl with a crappy body and a non-impressive face...for the rest of your life.
If your only intention is to "hook-up" (take it to mean whatever you want) then a good body is clearly more important, for reasons I feel need no further elaboration.
More on this coming soon.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Kinda reminds me of my college days, when I once witnessed a student inform her professor that her exam score was miscalculated, and should, in fact, be lower. I guess sometimes people do retarded things.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Chakira- claiming that YU students are better equipped to handle the academic and outside world is like claiming that midgets would do better than seven footers in the NBA. Your point about how BTLs do “worse in life” than YU students is more than just incorrect, it is completely absurd and has zero basis in reality. Not only do a higher rate of yeshivish and BTL students get into top law schools and professions, once there, they perform better academically, socially, and tend to get into more top firms. I know there is no way for a 19 year old YU student to have any way of knowing this. In the future, you shouldn’t believe everything the folks at YU tell you.
At top law schools far more yeshivish students get admitted than YU students, and at a much higher rate. At Columbia, the ratio is something like 4 to 1. Once there, yeshivish students, poor writing and all, perform far better on their exams and writing assignments than YU students and consistently receive the prestigious stone and kents honors, which YU students rarely do. Yeshivish students also receive much higher grades on legal philosophy and economics courses. But how can this be??? The administration at YU assured you that you would be receiving a top secular degree that would prepare you for the outside world the way cuny accounting degrees and touro couldn’t.
At Penn, the number one student in his class is a touro graduate. He will also be working at the top law firm in the country. Even at non-national schools, such as Fordham, you see how law review is loaded with yeshivish students, and they go on to work at top firms. If you look at profiles of associates/ partners at top law firms you will see far more yeshivish folks at top ranks and partnership level. The only firms were YU grads constantly succeed are YU firms (i.e. kaye scholler). If they are not around their own type, they cannot succeed. Fact is, that most YU grads, with all their superior education, either and up jobless, or have to settle for working for some jewish/ YU type agency.
Its ironic that the very jews who are receiving a broad secular education in liberal arts are the very jews who cannot escape the jewish world and succeed in the secular one.
Having never actually worked or learned in the outside world, young chakira assumes that the secular education he receives at YU is top rate. Well, chaki, it seems you were had. Not only does YU get no respect in the yeshivish world, it gets even less respect in the secular world. I was told by someone in Columbia college, how the director of admissions of Columbia law school came to talk at the college. She went on to tell the college students about admissions, and how some schools are stronger and more academically rigorous, so they put more value on their gpas and course selection, while other schools are not as academically intense and therefore put little values on their GPAs and course selection. YU was the example she gave for the lesser school. All the students sitting there had a good laugh. Sorry chaki, but once you leave the hallowed halls of YU, your education will not be respected.
But even more startling than YU student’s poor academic success and performance, is their total failure on the social and professional side.
Most frum people who attend top academic programs or work in top professional firms will tell how YU people are the loners, not wanting to interact socially with anyone who isn’t a YU type. Most of you at top schools and jobs have probably seen first hand how far this goes. YU students sitting alone in the hallway, not interacting with anyone, or the company goes out for drinks or to the cafeteria for lunch, and the YU student stays back and eats his sandwich alone, yearning for the days at YU when he was considered cool and had many friends. Most of the yeshivish students, on the otherhand are quite outgoing, befriend different types of people and have study groups with both jew and goyim alike. Something rarely seem with YU students.
On my blog, I once quoted someones description of YU. Although it was a little angry sounding, it was quite accurate.
"Its time these pasty-faced mother&%*$s with their Nextel phones, Haztalah walkie-talkies, daddy's (or YU's) charge card, hexagonal wire-rimmed spectacles, high-speed connections to only Simchas, nicely groomed sideburns, virginal 16 year old Stern girlfriends and Shloime Dachs CDs realized that they are only considered cool by a very very (very) small minority of people on this planet. Everyone else looks at you with apprehension and a sort of queasy sense of unease.
If you have an inflated ego (or any sense of self worth) and feel like you 'belong' because you are involved in one of these groups, you are in for some RUDE awakenings after leaving the YU world (or maybe you can just move to Teaneck or the Five-Towns, and keep the whole charade going...)."
No one outside YU, jew or otherwise, gets along with YU folks, nor do YU people make an effort to try to change this. YUs “torah” isn’t respected in the yeshiva world, their academics is laughed upon by secular universities, and the few who make it to top schools, perform sub par. In the unlikely event that YU students do get a good job, they are kept at low levels and rarely promoted to partner. You will find this out soon , young chakira.
Is this what you call doing better?
Friday, June 11, 2004
1) Do you get asked out by random guys several times a week (doesnt count if they are construction workers)?
2) When you are at a party or social gathering (i.e. wedding) are there always guys coming up to you trying to make conversation with, or do you find yourself searching for people to talk to?
If you answered yes to question 1, and/or part a of question 2, there is a good chance you are hot (assuming you dont always dress like a whore). If not, then you are most definitely not hot.
Determining ones own level of "hotness" is almost impossible for guys. For one, because most girls do not ask guys out, and, more importantly, girls are really only interested in money, so you never know what really draws them to the guy.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
More on Israeli yeshivas:
I will sort Israeli yeshiva programs into two categories: programs I like, and programs I dislike. My ranking methodology will not be made public, and all results are final.
Programs I dislike:
1) Tiferet Yerushalayim (TJ)- Inferior in every respect. I would worry that writing this may offend people who went to TJ, but I highly doubt their literacy.
2)Hakotel- Wouldnt be such a bad program if, like Einstein medical, they just accepted their mediocre status, and recognize that it will never change.
3) Gush- A bunch of overachieving intellectual wannabes. Tend to fall short when more than just hard work is required. Usually end up in inferior academic institutions and jobs such as YU Simicha program or Einstein.
4) Lev Arieh- See TJ above.
Programs I like:
1) OJ- They take dedication to substance abuse to a whole new level. Very impressive indeed.
2) Merkaz- Nice clean crisp shirts. None of this "wear the same shirt for 2 weeks straight" nonsense.
3) Raishit- I know one person who went there. He doesnt bother me. This is a good thing.
4) Bias Yisroel- Conformity at its finest!
If you attended one of the above mentioned yeshivas and feel the comments are not accurate or do not apply to you, you are clearly mistaken.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The answer, as most of you have correctly pointed out, is HOT. To illustrate, take for example a very wealthy man in his 50s, who has been married to his wife for over 30 years (no prenupt. he was young and wasnt wealthy at the time) who decides that he does not find his wife attractive anymore, and knows that he can easily get some young blood. At the same time, he is also aware that if he divorces his wife to go with the young bimbo, he will most probably have to fork over half of his fortune. When wealthy men are faced with this choice of hot chick v. keeping their money, they always are willing to part with their money to get the hot chick. And if you were faced with the same dilemma you would do the same. For guys, looks beats money every time. This analysis does dont work with girls, most of which are money hungry whores.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
I have set up another page (www.datingadvice.blogspot.com) and begun to post my previous dating tips onto that page. I have already posted several of my previous tips, and i will continue doing so over the next few days.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
An example of one such story:
One of my friends went out with a guy who was a cousin of a guy whom she had dated previously. When he asked her what she wanted to drink she requested water, as she always did on dates. The guy thought she was worried about the price so he brought her orange juice, which she then had to drink.
When the guy went home to the aunt where he was staying (he was an out of towner) his aunt asked him if he bought her a drink and he said yes she asked for water but i bought her orange juice. The aunt gave him a telling off and told him that she knew from the other cousin that this girl in fact likes water.
Sweet Mary mother of Jesus, that is just too much. If it was me, i would just die.
Monday, May 17, 2004
If you don't have physical intimacy before marriage, you won't know if you are sexually compatible and can be married to each other.
If any frumster readers are questioning how these two women are qualified to make such an assertion, you should remember that each of these woman has had sex with one man during the course of their lifetime, and as such are fully aware of the distinctions between relationships that are sexually compatible and those that are non compatible.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Its blogs like this that prevent the coming of the Messiah
I wasnt aware that solving the shidduch crisis was holding up the messiah.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Where were the other students accepted? YU's overall results could be much more impressive. And what is the overall percentage of Touro students who aspire to and actually apply to law school compared to YU? You need to answer these questions if you wish to use your numbers to analyze the intellectual levels of both student bodies
I am not interested in which school has smarter students. What I was trying to point out is that intellegent students very rarely attend YU, which is why a dispropotionatly low number of YU students get admitted to top law and medical schools. In fact, its gotten so bad that YU students show off when they are admitted to einstein..kina like showing off after winning a medal at the special olympics.
I happen to know a YU student who has already been accepted to Georgetown, which, though ranked 14th by US News
Im sorry schools 1 through 13 rejected him.
Additionally, what kind of twisted term is "top five"?
If by "twisted" you mean schools that YU students have no shot of getting into, then yeah, I guess its "twisted."
The curriculum varies in different law schools, especially in important theoretical areas such as constitutional law. Law students received very different viewpoints in classes taught by Robert Bork, Raoul Berger, and Lawrence Tribe, just to cite a few examples. While Bork taught at Yale, Berger and Tribe (who continues to teach) at Harvard, giving these two schools reputations as the foremost con. law schools in the country, Georgetown is recognized by many as superior in this field because of its focus on political science and the Supreme Court, and the curious tendency for lawyers arguing in front of the Federal Bench being Georgetown alumni.
Thats nice. Who cares? Anyway, all this talk about harvard and yale is probably making YU students jealous.
Oh, and he's (his friend)on the waiting lists for Michigan and Penn, tied at 7 on US News's list, and for Northwestern, which is tied for 10th.
Let me know when the schools reject him.
Come to think of it, my friend might have been wait-listed at Columbia, ranked 4th by US News, but I don't quite remember. If true, and he's accepted, that would break him into your elite group of law schools, thus giving him sufficient intellectual standing to earn him bragging rights in your eyes!
True, but i dont think we have to worry about that happening.
There is a new website coming called YUMatch.com. Included among the features is "rate a match." This sounds quite similar to my survey that I have been sending out, asking people to rate their dates (see a few posts down).
The difference with their service is that it only includes dating within the YU community. But then again this is always the case with YU students who tend to only date each other because most regular people are creeped out by YU folks, and therefore refuse to date them.
Monday, May 10, 2004
I want to know why people are generally so much more impressed when they hear someone goes to Einstein than when they hear someone goes to cardozo, and why Einstein students are considered to be more intelligent? To see that cardoza students are just as smart, if not smarter than Einstein students, just compare median LSAT and MCAT scores for each school. I understand that it is difficult to compare an exam like the LSAT to the MCAT, which focus on science, therefore instead, compare the LSAT only Einstein's median score in the verbal section (which is somewhat comparable to the LSAT), and ignore the other sections of the MCAT. Here are the results:
Einstein median MCAT (verbal) 70-75th percentile (9.6)
Cardozo median LSAT 86-88th percentile (160)
It is clear from this evidence that Einstein students are in fact significantly dumber than cardozo students.
Also, this discrepancy cant be explained by arguing that MCAT takers on avg are more intelligent than LSAT takers and therefore percentiles dont mean anything, because the questions are very similar and answering the same percentage correct on either exam will leave you in approximately the same percentile
Very interesting email. Any Einstein students care to defend your intelligence? Sam?
If it makes you feel any better, email sender, I dont view cardozo any different than i do Einstein.
Monday, May 03, 2004
Better make sure the comments on this survey don't name names or identifying details, otherwise you threaten to cross the lashon hara line...
Another email i received asks "But what if a girl gets a low score, if enough people see it, this can ruin her. "
Yes, but the same can be said about a restaurant that receives a low score on the zagats survey. Furthermore, there is no reason to worry; a low score on my survey will ensure she is being paired with appropriate dates.
It is quite understandable why so many readers have eagerly awaited my solution to this vexing problem. Indeed, the problem is so great that some people have created entire organization just to try and get a date. One such organization is endthemadness. But alas, all attempts at solving the problem thus far have come up short. Of course, until now.
Before I explain my plan of action I will first repeat what exactly is the root cause of the shidduch crisis, which, simply put, is high expectations. If people would just realize where they stand on the social desirability scale, they would become more realistic and try to date girls/guys who are in the same league as them.
The solution, which is almost half complete, is similar to the Zagats restaurant survey. I have selected a sample of guys who are single (or very recently engaged), both modern and yeshivish, and whose age vary a good amount. Each guy was given a form, asking them to list every girl they have been out with, how many dates (the more dates, the more heavily weighted), and to rate them on a desirability scale of 1-5 in different categories, which gets averaged into an overall score. There is also room for comments next to each girl listed. This survey will be periodically updated until all singles are listed. Thus far, this form has been distributed to over 200 guys, ranging for cool to “not so cool.” If you are reading this and wondering why you haven’t received one of these forms it is because I feel you have poor judgment, and I don’t want you messing up my survey. The rankings of over 600 girls have been complied at this, and are ready for distribution.
Ladies, there is no need to worry, I will not release the results until I get all the women/girls to fill out forms about guys. When this time arrives, people will be able to look at the survey and know exactly which girls/guys they should be going for and which they shouldn’t. There should never be more than a 1.5 point discrepancy between the parties.
And to alleviate your fears, I will be receiving the haskama of all the major rabbis.
Friday, April 30, 2004
A few weeks ago i commented on the frumster advice column "Ask Batya" which allows members to send questions to Batya- a social worker who has been married for over 30 years and whose hobbies include drinking tea and resting.
Well, it seems frumster feels that this isnt enough to compete with my site, and has yet another "general dating advice" column given by Sherry S. Zimmerman and Rosie Einhorn, both proud grandparents; Their expertise ranges from rocking chairs to Metamucil.
So if you have a dating question, drop a dime and give them a call.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
A problem exists within the frum community that must be addressed. There are people out there who lie about their professional and academic credentials, leading all their friends and family to believe they are more impressive and accomplished than they truly are. The worst part about this is that these type of people hog, not only the spotlight of those who truly deserve to be commended for their accomplishment, but their potential dates as well. Very few single people in the frum community have super impressive credentials, and having people lie and claim to be what they aren't greatly diminishes the accomplishments of the deserving few. These frauds seem to have every frum person fooled, because every frum guy and girl wants to believe they are associated with greatness and can tell others of their friendships with such impressive people. How many times do I have to hear "oh, moshe, its nice that you have such great academic and professional accomplishments, but I know XXX who has done even better." This is so frustrating because I know who they are talking about and I know he is a fraud! Mike, I feel you are the only person who can understand my grievance, and I hope you can do something about it. How many girls do I have to lose to this liar?
PS Please keep this on the down-low and dont post it on your site,
Moshe, I think I, as well as many others reading your private email know precisely which individual you are referring to. He is indeed a great fraud and has most people fooled. To solve this problem, i will give Mr. Fraud and ultimatum:
If by the end of the week, I do not receive an email from you apologizing for your acts and promising to cease making up stories, at once, I will have to take drastic action and out you for being a fraud. Cheers.
Monday, April 26, 2004
I have recently learned that frumster has begun to charge a fee for its use. According to frumster's new payment policy, while a person will have to pay in order to send messages, non paying members can still receive messages free of charge.
In other words, as long as youre a hot chick, frumster is free. But then again, if youre a hot chick, youre probably not on frumster.
Coming soon: Solving the shidduch crisis once and for all.
EDIT: I have been informed that although you can receive messages free of charge, you have to pay in order to read them. I guess i gave the folks at frumster too much credit, thinking they were trying to attract hot chicks and all.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Batyas credentials are as follows:
"An MSW (Master of Social Work) with many years of clinical experience in individual, and marital treatment both in the U.S. and Israel, Mrs. Ben-Ze'ev grew up in a Reform family, but became Orthodox almost 30 years ago, while living in Atlanta, Georgia. All of her three children are married, and she has been happily married for 36 years.
I guess it makes sense asking dating advice from a woman who hasnt been on a date since the 60s...That is, if your parents arent too busy. Tell me Batya, where can i find the cheapest ice cream soda shop?
Well anyway, this batya seems like a nice lady, so if any of you are interested in finding out what the dating scene was like 40 years ago, you should drop Batya a line.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Some girls believe that putting out fast will help them get dates. This is only partly true. While being easy will surely get a girl plenty of attention from guys, the guys, however, wont view the girl as "dating material," but rather as some kind of throwaway plaything.
Friday, March 26, 2004
"Mike, do you think its a good idea to go out with 2 girls at once?"
There is nothing wrong with going out with several girls at a time for as you can handle it (i.e. not getting caught). I, in fact, once juggled 4 girls at a time.
In order to ensure that youre not wasting too much money on these girls, make sure you choose your date locations and activities wisely. If the girl doesnt appreciate eating corn chips and slurpie in the 7-11 parking lot shes probably a lesbian anyway.
Frumsters "banning" policies:
If you ever browse through the profiles on frumster, you will find that almost all the profiles sound the same. "I am a spiritual person...looking for someone to grow with...needs to have a good sense of humor but also know when to be serious.... etc." If youve read one youve read them all.
You will also notice, that not only will you not find find any profiles with humorous content, you are unlikely to find anyone even making an attempt at humor (whether successful or not).
The reason for the above observations is because the person (people) behind frumster is a self righteous tool, who only wants members that conform to his own personality. If he misses sarcasm, or doesnt find something funny he will not allow that profile on frumster. It doesnt matter if there wasnt anything obscene or vulgar in the profile, if the profile doesnt sound like someone the frumster admins would want to hang out with, they simply wont allow that profile.
The problem with this is that not only are the frumster admins intellectually inferior, they are also extremely boring, serious minded people, who have not gotten over being stuffed into a lockers back in their highschool days. They are resentful of anyone who seems to display confidence, wit, or any type of personality quirk, and they are very easily offend by any type of off color remarks. What we are left with are all boring sounding profiles.
Now dont get me wrong, i do believe they are doing a good service by running a free dating website. But the guys behind the website are bit too proactive in weeding out profiles. In fact, they even banned my "Joe-not-a-rapist," and "Internet predator" profiles.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Thursday, March 18, 2004
I am an avid fan of your site. I had an interesting experience that I would
like to run by you for your professional opinion. I went on a first date
with a girl who rated a 21 (out of 30) on my Marriagability Scale (Money -
8, Looks - 5, Personality - 8). The date went well, and according to the
shadchan this girl had a nice time and wanted to go out again. But when I
called the girl to ask her out a second time, she said no! ("This is not a
good time", she said). I'm not overly upset about this due to her mediocre
score in the Looks department, but my question is... has this ever happened
before? Why would someone decline the comfortable shield of the shadchan and
lie to him or her, just to reject a date personally?
An Anonymous Reader
First, i must commend you on your ranking the different qualities of the girl, and even more so, for including the rankings in your email. As many of my readers are aware, I strongly support rankings of all kind.
Realize, I have never been in such a situation (or even just turned down by a girl for that matter) so I cant answer this question from personal experience, however, my knowledge of movies, and friends' sob stories, combined with my superior intellect will enable me to answer your question with little difficulty.
The answer is that she is one of those crazy, man-hating lesbian bitches, that I keep warning my readers about. She, no doubt, told the shadchan she would go out with you on a second date, with the hopes of getting you all excited just so she can crush you when she rejects you over the phone. Lucky for you she was unattractive, so you never cared in the first place.