Sunday, February 29, 2004

When taking a girl on a first date, do NOT take the girl to a very fancy and expensive restaurant such as Le Marais and Prime Grill. You will come off as pathetic and desperate. Even if the girl is very impressed, it will only win you, at most, one extra date. No sense of prolonging your misery. If you had any confidence in yourself you would take the girl to J2 for the first date.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Some non-dating, yet worthwhile, advice:

If you decide to give money to a musician or performer in a subway station, and you find that you only have a 5 dollar bill on you, do NOT put the five in the collection box and remove four singles. Explaining to the drugged up musician that you actually first put in a five before you removed the four singles will do no good. This is especially true with rappers. If you put in a five, you leave it there!

Thursday, February 26, 2004

First date advice:

Guys: Much like with the first phone call, try to keep the first date as short as possible. As much as many of you dont want to hear this, the girls' mind is made up (regarding the second date) the moment she opens the door to greet you. In cases where the guy has lots of money, the girls mind is made up before the first phone call. Of course, the guys mind is also made up the second he sees the girl, but this post is only discussing situations where the guy wants to go out again.

So guys, try to keep the first date one activity or less. If the girl doesnt like you, taking her to "arcades" after dinner will not win you that second date (to my horror, I have been told that people actually go to arcades on dates) . And of course, if she likes you, a second activity will be unnecessary.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Some clarification: I am not giving advice on how to dress on dates, but rather, I am giving advice on how not to be gay.

Interpreting my post as advice on how to dress is in fact quite gay.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Wearing suits on dates: Pretty gay.

Monday, February 23, 2004

I found another dating blog!

Its called Unbroken Glass, and its worth a read. For those not familiar with it, unbroken glass is a blog which chronicles the shidduch dates of an angry, man-hating-lesbian, on her way to finally getting married. Hi-jinx ensue.

You should be warned, though. Unbroken Glass is purely for entertainment purposes, and as such, should not be mistaken for an advice blog, such as my own.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Internet Dating:

Quite often, people walk up to me in the street and ask, "Mike, do you think frumster is a good idea?" To which I reply, "the fact that you asked me this question is indicative that you do not have a date, so give frumster a try."

To be honest though, it is far more complicated than this. I have checked out frumster on many occasions, and while frumster seems to have worked wonders for those creepy looking folks whose pictures are displayed on top of the site (this means you Gavin!!!!), it is not for everyone. Clearly, those hotty girls who get asked out by guys every time they turn the corner, have no need for such a service. This, however, does not apply to all hot girls. Many hot girls have awful luck and are only asked out by the weirdest guys, usually 40 somethings on the west side, and for them frumster could come in handy. (In fact, my sources have informed me, that if a pretty picture of a girl gets posted on frumster, "she" will receive dozens, sometimes even hundreds of messages in no time at all).

Also, girls who do not fall in the "hot" category (which, unfortunately, is most of you. Yes, even you), could benefit a great deal from frumster. Especially those who are not connected to extensive social networks (i.e., are not wealthy).

Many girls are weary of using Internet dating out of fear of meeting some complete stranger, who is potentially creepy and dangerous. This should be not be a concern. You girls are forgetting how many times you have allowed yourselves to be set up by people you hardly know, to people they hardly know, and the guy turns out to be one weird mofo. Fact is, the odds of someone you meet on frumster being very weird, is no greater than being set up with someone very weird.

For guys: NO guy should be hesitant to use Internet dating. For one, its not like ALL your dates arent blind dates. Second, there is no real threat of any kind of danger. Last, Internet dating is a fine method of "hooking up" with girls (for this, you may have better luck using jdate than frumster).

And remember, it worked for Gavin! (and his wife is a fool if she believes that she was Gavin's "first" frumster date. )

Thursday, February 19, 2004

After reading my latest post, a concerned reader, who apparently has greater insight into the whole YU phenomena, sent me this email with his take on YU students. Although this post may have veered off my main topic of conversation, I have, nonetheless, decided to post this email, out of love for all things that are truthful and accurate.


Finally. I was hoping you would address this.

I think you should address all three of the messed up YU types that can be found in that posting.

The poster is clearly one of those YU guys who grew up in those shuls stuck in the 1950s. They still think that YU is the ultimate goal that any Jew should aspire towards. Then they get to YU and realize that they are amaratzim (which is easier to realize today than it was, say, in their parents time when the yeshivos were some far off theoretical place and not a place that their classmates might have gone to)and that they aren't doing too hot in the academic world either. They are jealous of the confidence shown by those frumer than them, jealous of those less frum than them who can enjoy themselves sexually more that them and they feel like losers in the middle getting nothing on either end. They and their parents feel that the rabayim have sold out and they end up rallying around oddball but smart Rabbi/doctors who have no sechel but also live in the world of the 1950s. They pine for that days that the Rav was still alive but forget that when he was alive they found him too cold, too intimidating, or too uninteresting to actually have what to do with him.

Then there is Chakira himself who seems to be intent on being as mean and degrading as possible so that Protocols might, just might, allow him to join. He seems to have gotten so caught up in being a maskil and thinking that Yeshiva is this cloistered environment that stifles intellectual thought. He was just too immature to realize that if you want that sort of freedom you have to earn it with legitimacy in the eyes of your Rabayim and peers. At least he was smart enough to realize where he could go if he wasn’t going to be getting that legitimacy any time soon. Now he can spend his days being bitter and mean at anything frumer than him. Notice how his posts are allowing him to do all these “daring” things like curse, talk about hanging out with Stern girls and, gasp, masturbating. Wow, he is really smart. And he uses big words. I am sure the yeshivos are feeling terrible that they always lose 10-20 guys like that a year.

Finally, there are the poor souls who want out of YU but can’t make the move for some reason, so they have to deal with the derision of those around them. Granted a lot of it is self-induced and inevitable for one in their situation. But you got to cheer for them because they are fighting the valiant fight even if they are unsure exactly as to what they are fighting for. They will be all right in the end, and besides, it is great fun to watch them cause all this angst in the greatest institution of movie watching, Israeli flag waving, leather jacket on Motzei Shabbos wearing, bunch of behind the times Jews we know."

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Someone posted this description of YU students in the comment section of the Chakira blog:

"Its time these pasty-faced mother&%*$s with their Nextel phones, Haztalah walkie-talkies, daddy's (or YU's) charge card, hexagonal wire-rimmed spectacles, high-speed connections to only Simchas, nicely groomed sideburns, virginal 16 year old Stern girlfriends and Shloime Dachs CDs realized that they are only considered cool by a very very (very) small minority of people on this planet. Everyone else looks at you with apprehension and a sort of queasy sense of unease.
If you have an inflated ego (or any sense of self worth) and feel like you 'belong' because you are involved in one of these groups, you are in for some RUDE awakenings after leaving the YU world (or maybe you can just move to Teaneck or the Five-Towns, and keep the whole charade going...)."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Why am I posting this comment? You ask. Well, I will soon be posting about the dating habits of YU boys, and this comment is a perfect illustration of YU guys and the way they think. It also helps explain why they act the way they do. Couldnt have said it better myself.

If you are a YU student and feel the above comment is not an accurate describtion of yourself, you are clearly mistaken.
Breaking up (continued)

4) Another method of breaking up that should not be used is the kind where the guy feels too guilty to break up and is afraid he will hurt the girl, so instead of dumping her completely, he tells her that he needs a "break." Whatever the hell that means. Guys: You shouldn't be afraid of dumping girls. It would actually be a much easier breakup if you just do the whole thing in one shot, and just put her out of her misery.

Disclaimer: If you are dating one of those crazy, stalky, bitch girls, then none of my advice is applicable. After you dump them, they will most likely stalk you till the end of your days. There is no known cure to rid oneself of a crazy bitch, but rest assure, once I find a way, I will let you guys know.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

It seems many guys have problems breaking up with their girlfriends. Much of this stems from not having any balls. So before I lay out the proper methods to dump a girl, I will first discuss many common mistakes guys make when breaking up. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

1) A very popular way for guys to break up is just to be a complete coward and stop showing any interest in the girl, until the girl just decides to dump the guy. This is clearly a very gay method of breaking up and it is indicative of other forms of weakness, and fear of women. Not to mention its pretty damn gay and is a drain on the wallet.

2) The "its not you, its me" method. Can you imagine that even after "Seinfeld" made a complete mockery of this method, guys (and girls) are still using it (with slight variations). This too is obviously quite gay. Nuff said.

3) Crying during the breakup. This of course is fine for the girl, but is unacceptable for the guy. Any man who does so, is a disgrace to his gender, and most likely the kind of guy who likes to "cuddle" *shudder*

More on breaking up coming soon...
Coming soon: Easy ways to pull off those difficult breakups (yes many of you need help with this).

Monday, February 16, 2004

More phone call advice

I have heard stories where guys call up girls, and during the course of the conversation, the guy will say something that will lead the girl to believe that the two are incompatible. When many guys hear this, they bid the girl farewell, and go on their merry way. This is a HUGE mistake. A girl who is turning guys down solely based on phone calls probably has lots of guys lined up. This is most likely because she is hot or has rich parents, or maybe even both! When a girl wants to end it before the date even begins, you want to do everything in your power to try to persuade her to go out. Even if you dont get a second date from her, at least you have a shot at being seen on a date with a hot girl, possibly even by a friend!

Advice for first phone call:

No matter how well the call is going, or how "into" the girl you are, keep the call under half an hour. Preferably, 15-20 minutes.

In case past experience has taught you nothing, let me explain things to you. A great 1 hours conversation will mean nothing if the actual date goes poorly, or one party isnt attracted to the other. Likewise, if the date goes well, or youre just an attractive guy, you will not suffer any adverse consequences from having a short a 3 minute conversation. Some people think the phone call should be kept to a minimum so that you wont run out of things to say on the date. This should only be a problem for you if youre a retard.

Coming soon: How to end your first phone call.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Good question: Im sure many of you have been asked on occasion, "If you werent frum, on what number date would you have sex with the girl?" For most people, the answer would be on the third or fourth date. Im a nice guy, so i wouldnt impose sex until the 5th date.

If you are frum and ARE having sex with other frum girls, this question obviously doesnt apply to you, but i must say that i am impressed (unless, of course, you reside on the west side, in which case it is not such an accomplishment), so feel free to add your thoughts on the matter.

Friday, February 13, 2004

Worried about the potential danger involved in giving dating advice, several people have asked me if I am qualified to give such advice. The answer is, yes, I am qualified to give dating advice.
Lesson 2: Are there more single (frum) girls than guys?

No. Girls simply have more concerns than guys do, such as height, hairline, education, job, etc., thus eliminating most of the frum dating pool.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Comming soon: Lesson 2- Are there realy more girls out there than guys?
Part d (final part) of lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.

As previously stated, a big problem in the shidduch world today is guys not knowing their value on the dating market. When a man thinks he is more socially desirable than he actually is, it causes him to turn down many girls who are in the same league as him, with the hopes of getting a girl who is way out of his league. Much of this delusion of grandeur stems from the fact that these men have never really asked girls out themselves, which would have resulted in the guy getting rejected to his face, and probably bring him back down to earth. Instead, these men get to hide behind a shadchan, never actually facing rejection, never hearing the real reason they arent getting a second or third date. The guy can tell himself "Oh, the super hot girl doesnt want to go out with me again because we dont exactly have the same religious levels? No problem, ill just keep looking until I find a hot girl who is the same religious level." To remedy this problem, a panel should be set up, which every Jew in the shidduch market would have to go in front of before he/she starts dating. There will be four levels of dating desirability, 1 being the lowest and 4 the highest. Many factors will go into this rating, but it will be mainly looks (for girls) and money (for guys). Every person will be assigned to a level (1-4) and they will only be able to date people in the same level. I of course would head this panel, with full veto power over any mistakes my panel-mates would make.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Part C of lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.

Just because you had one relationship with a hot girl doesnt mean that any other "it" girl will go for you. I have seen some guys get over confident, and unrealistically raise their expectations simply because they dated one pretty girl. It is most likely that this girl had somekind of weird taste in guys, or was otherwise intoxicated. Guys: you know you belong in this category when you find yourself bringing up your hot ex in every other sentence. It was a fluke. Time to set realistic expectations and date that mediocre girl.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Part B of Lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.

b) Many guys who arent exactly attractive, or are just otherwise low on the social scale will ask "but moshe is an ugly nerd, and he got a hot girl, so why shouldnt i be able to get a hot girl?" The answer to this is, or course, that moshe has some other factor that compensates for his lack of physical beauty. In most cases this will be money (or parents money). Sometimes, it comes in the form of intelligence, humor, or even confidence, but will usually be money. In any event, the fact that you asked such a whiny and stupid question is indicative of the fact that you dont possess any of these compensating qualities.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.

a) Stop bitching about not being set up with pretty girls when you know good-and-well that you would never have the balls to ask these girls out yourself (there is probably a reason people are not setting you up with these girls). More on this comming soon.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Having experienced many failed relationships, I feel fully qualified to provide critical analysis of the frum dating world, both shidduch and otherwise. This blog will also be used as a forum for me to make fun of all the people I dislike, and perhaps even review of the new paris hilton video (great actress!!).

The rules of grammar and spelling do not apply to this blog, and my posts will reflect this.

Many of my insights and theories on dating may be common sense to some readers, nevertheless, it is still necessary for me to post them for the sake of those who are not as "dating savvy." Moreover, what I post on this site is not merely my opinion, but cold-hard-fact. If you find yourself disagreeing with anything I write, it is most likely because are intellectually inferior, and therefore, do not understand it. Either that, or youre a female.
<< List
Jewish Bloggers
Join >>