Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tip for guys on raising their social status 

No matter how hard one tries, a guy can never become "cooler" or more socially desirable in the eyes of women. Contrary to popular films, simply putting trendy clothing on the otherwise mediocre nerd will not make him the homecoming king. The only thing a guy can hope for is a change in his surroundings.

In the frum dating community, this happens automatically as a guy gets older. The older a guy gets, the more advantageous the dateable guy/girl ratio becomes. Take moshe for example. At 21, Moshe, along with most of his friends, begins to date. He like most of his friends is in college, has pretty good job prospects, avg. look/height and build, regular "nice" personallity and middle-upperclass parents. Such stats put moshe in around the 50th percentile in the shidduch market. When moshe becomes 24, however, a large bulk of the top 25% have married, and are no longer his competition on the dating market. Moshe now stands at the 75 percentile of dating and constantly gets set up with more desirable women than before. By the time moshe hits 26, the only single guys left besides him, have either turned very modern, have really crappy jobs, or just are otherwise very creepy (or just fears commitment). Moshe now stands at about the 95th percentile in the dating market and gets set up with the highest quality girls in the 23 to 25 range.

With girls, on the otherhand, you can still find a good percentage of quality at the 23+ age range. Of course, many of the most desirable girls will have been snatched up before they hit 21, but there is less disparity overall between girls in the 50th-75th percentile of desirability. There are many reasons why, as age increases, there is a higher proportion of quality girls than guys (which is a discussion for a later time), but if you ask any 24 year old girl how many dateable guys there are, there is no doubt that she will respond with a look of disappointment and despair.

So avg. guys: if you feel you aren't getting set up with enough attractive/wealthy girls, just take a break from dating and resurface at the age of 25. While you will remain the same ho-hum dud you were before, at least now you have a better shot of landing a pretty girl.

*This does not apply in the West side where everyone is over 25
** There are many other factors that come into play in getting a desirable girl, so while being older improves your odds, it does not guarantee it.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Chananya Weismann, of endthemadness fame, wrote and article for jewish press detailing the difficulties he has getting a date:

. . .Of course, if Rava really wished to flummox his colleague, he could
have asked a much simpler question: What`s your hashkafa?

We can only speculate as to the witty retort this would have
engendered in Talmudic times. Nowadays, however, this question is asked
with the greatest of seriousness, and numerous judgments about a person, both major and minor, are determined based on the reply. Indeed, if a potential shidduch survives this question, the prospect of a first date jumps from inconceivable all the way up to highly unlikely. With so much hanging in the balance, it is no wonder that many of us dread the inevitable demand to label ourselves. To wear an unfashionable label is to ride next to trouble on a one-lane highway. In today`s world of sound bites, snap judgments, and instant gratification, it can be a mistake beyond repair.

Is it just me, or is the point of endthemadness not to help people find the right match, but rather to help people find first dates, regardless of compatibility? It appears that endthemadness is catering to a crowd where getting a first date is "inconceivable", or at best "highly unlikely." Chananya feels, after experiencing much failure in his attempts to procure first dates, that the shidduch crisis is caused by people who cant get dates. This completely ignores that fact that most singles who are considered part of the "shidduch crisis, usually have been out with over 50+ (sometimes even more) different people. Its highly unlikely that people refusing to go on dates is what is causing the shidduch crisis.

Chananya, did you ever stop and think for one second that when girls use "labels" and "hashkafas" as an excuse not to go out with you, it is just that, an excuse? Maybe, just maybe, there is some other reason that these girls arent going out with you and your friends. Judging from your articles and website, I cant think of any reasons, but maybe could think of some.
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