Frum Dating Theory

To be honest, there is no real way for a girl to improve her social standing on the dating market. Of course she can do the obvious and dress well, pretty herself up, stay thin, and if not thin; diet (or get that surgery). Remember, some of the hottest movie starts have eating disorders. its is nothing to be ashamed of. Winning the lottery would help as well.

Some girls believe that putting out fast will help them get dates. This is only partly true. While being easy will surely get a girl plenty of attention from guys, the guys, however, wont view the girl as "dating material," but rather as some kind of throwaway plaything.

Since yesterday, I have received several emails from girls (im assuming) asking what a girl can do to raise their social status. I will get to this shortly, unitl then just put the candy bar down.

Reader sends in question:

"Mike, do you think its a good idea to go out with 2 girls at once?"

There is nothing wrong with going out with several girls at a time for as you can handle it (i.e. not getting caught). I, in fact, once juggled 4 girls at a time.

In order to ensure that youre not wasting too much money on these girls, make sure you choose your date locations and activities wisely. If the girl doesnt appreciate eating corn chips and slurpie in the 7-11 parking lot shes probably a lesbian anyway.

Several readers have emailed me, informing me of the specific reasons why they were banned from frumster, and asking me to comment on it.

Frumsters "banning" policies:

If you ever browse through the profiles on frumster, you will find that almost all the profiles sound the same. "I am a spiritual person...looking for someone to grow with...needs to have a good sense of humor but also know when to be serious.... etc." If youve read one youve read them all.

You will also notice, that not only will you not find find any profiles with humorous content, you are unlikely to find anyone even making an attempt at humor (whether successful or not).

The reason for the above observations is because the person (people) behind frumster is a self righteous tool, who only wants members that conform to his own personality. If he misses sarcasm, or doesnt find something funny he will not allow that profile on frumster. It doesnt matter if there wasnt anything obscene or vulgar in the profile, if the profile doesnt sound like someone the frumster admins would want to hang out with, they simply wont allow that profile.

The problem with this is that not only are the frumster admins intellectually inferior, they are also extremely boring, serious minded people, who have not gotten over being stuffed into a lockers back in their highschool days. They are resentful of anyone who seems to display confidence, wit, or any type of personality quirk, and they are very easily offend by any type of off color remarks. What we are left with are all boring sounding profiles.

Now dont get me wrong, i do believe they are doing a good service by running a free dating website. But the guys behind the website are bit too proactive in weeding out profiles. In fact, they even banned my "Joe-not-a-rapist," and "Internet predator" profiles.

Many readers have sent me emails asking me to address frumsters policy on banning people. Readers tell me they have been banned for the slightest use of sarcasm, well, that and explicit sexual references. I will discuss it shortly.

My last few posts are missing. How do i get them back? Any nerds out there?

A reader sent the following email:

Dear Mike,

I am an avid fan of your site. I had an interesting experience that I would
like to run by you for your professional opinion. I went on a first date
with a girl who rated a 21 (out of 30) on my Marriagability Scale (Money -
8, Looks - 5, Personality - 8). The date went well, and according to the
shadchan this girl had a nice time and wanted to go out again. But when I
called the girl to ask her out a second time, she said no! ("This is not a
good time", she said). I'm not overly upset about this due to her mediocre
score in the Looks department, but my question is... has this ever happened
before? Why would someone decline the comfortable shield of the shadchan and
lie to him or her, just to reject a date personally?

Thanks,
An Anonymous Reader

First, i must commend you on your ranking the different qualities of the girl, and even more so, for including the rankings in your email. As many of my readers are aware, I strongly support rankings of all kind.

Realize, I have never been in such a situation (or even just turned down by a girl for that matter) so I cant answer this question from personal experience, however, my knowledge of movies, and friends' sob stories, combined with my superior intellect will enable me to answer your question with little difficulty.

The answer is that she is one of those crazy, man-hating lesbian bitches, that I keep warning my readers about. She, no doubt, told the shadchan she would go out with you on a second date, with the hopes of getting you all excited just so she can crush you when she rejects you over the phone. Lucky for you she was unattractive, so you never cared in the first place.

Look where our friend Chakira has been hanging out.

The following was posted on protocols last week:


The new homosexual fetish for...Chasidic men.
gentile for orthodox - m4m - 29

masculine, discrete, bi- whiteboy, looking to explore with orthodox (pref. hassidic) Jew. I've seen lots around the neighborhood, been with few men, but am very turned on by the orthodox...perhaps this is a fantasy of mine.
I'm not looking for a boyfriend, this most likely will be a one-time thing. I'm 29, nice shape, all-American type looks, safe, ddf, etc.
you should be clean, under 35, and a no-smoker.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
this is in or around Bedford Ave.
Discluding the unclean and smokers seems like a horrible way to go about recruiting Chasidic men, but, hey, good luck to him.
(Thanks, Chakira)

In case you missed that last part, this little gem was discovered by our very own Chakira.

Now, I know that Chakira left the yeshiva world in order to "expand his horizons" but this takes torah umadda to a whole new level.

Trump agrees with Mike

A few weeks ago I posted on the topic of overrated schools. Here is an excerpt:

Other common misconceptions . . . Coming soon:

2) Yale and NYU have a good business schools.

3) Penn has a good law school

4) SUNY Binghamton is a good college


Well, the other day, Trump wrote this piece for the WSJ responding to a critic of his:

The Wall Street Journal 10 March 2004

`The Apprentice' Is Real, Not Some `Gong' Show

In answer to Jeffrey Sonnenfeld's question as to why more than 18 million Americans are glued to "The Apprentice," it is because they can recognize a reality show that is realistic (Manager's Journal, "The Last Emperor," March 2 ). While I greatly appreciate what he said about me and my business on a personal basis, Mr. Sonnenfeld's lament about this show not brimming over with inspirational team leadership and "the building of coherent cultures" seems naive -- America is a capitalistic country, not a socialist state. I think intelligent viewers recognize this, and they appreciate seeing the reality of fact vs. a sitcom that is so far removed from reality that it requires a laugh track.

Further, Mr. Sonnenfeld's statement that "The Apprentice" is not a corporate reality show but a business "gong" show makes it clear to me that he is not an expert on the practicalities of running a corporation. Were he the chairman and CEO of one of the largest privately held companies in New York, I might be more inclined to listen to his critiques. Until then, I would have to say that he lacks the insight required to understand the architecture of a corporation, and his review reflects that lack of knowledge. Perhaps that is why he is a professor at Yale instead of the Wharton School of Business (my alma mater). . .

Donald J. Trump


It should come as no surprise to my readers that an enormous success such as Trump would agree with me on matter concerning academic and professional prestige.

How to ruin your shidduch reputation:


"Marcus Wesson, who may have fathered two of the victims with his own daughters, was charged Saturday with nine counts of murder."





Will have a hard time getting set up on dates

Comments on the west side:

A few weeks ago, I discussed a serious problem in the Jewish dating world. The amazing accuracy, and practical importance of my earlier post is most evident when viewing singles on the west side. To make things easier for readers, I will repost the section from my earlier discussion:

Determining your value on the dating market:

Just because you had one relationship with a hot girl doesnt mean that any other "it" girl will go for you. I have seen some guys get over confident, and unrealistically raise their expectations simply because they dated one pretty girl. It is most likely that this girl had somekind of weird taste in guys, or was otherwise intoxicated. . .

When a man thinks he is more socially desirable than he actually is, it causes him to turn down many girls who are in the same league as him, with the hopes of getting a girl who is way out of his league. It was a fluke. Time to set realistic expectations and date that mediocre girl.

Now, while the exact reasoning behind these unrealistic expectations may vary, the main point remains true: Many guys (and girls) do not know their value on the dating market. This problem is magnified with residence of the west side.

I would say that a good 75% of the men who live on the west side believe that they fall on the high end of the social desirability scale. When in fact, only about 5 or so percent can truthfully claim they are hot shiznit. Most of the the guys are in fact, unattractive, unsuccessful, socially awkward, or just otherwise creepy. This results in having the large majority of west side guys, who have zero chance landing a hot chick, ignoring all the girls (95%) who they actually have a shot at dating.

People wonder how there can be so many single Jews on the west side and yet so few of them have dates. Well, wonder no more.

I have been wanting to do a piece about the west side for some time but never got around to doing it.

I will be spending this shabbos by one of my heathen friends living in the west side. Full report to follow.

While watching "The Passion" the other night, there was a man in his thirties sitting 3 or 4 seats from me, who cried hysterically during the scourging scene. He was most probably a devout catholic, or just otherwise crazy.

Anyway, to drown out the sound of his whining, I started munching on my popcorn very loudly, until he turned to me and gave me a dirty look. It appeared as if he was about to say something to me, until he saw I was wearing an extra large yarmulke, at which point he was instantly scared off. And, thankfully, after that, he stopped his crying.

Saw The Passion last night.

Man, do I hate jews. Poor Jesus.

Some readers have pointed me to the hashkafa.com website. After reading through the site for a few minutes, I noticed that the questions raised never receive honest and accurate answers. Therefore, as a service to these individuals, and to the dating community in general, I will post the correct answers to many of these questions.

One poor soul asks:
I recently went out with a girl whom I really liked, and after a bunch of dates and phone calls she throws out the "I don't see it going anywhere" line. She told that to me over the phone. I asked her if she can tell me a reason and she couldn't. The shaddchan and her parents tried to get a reason. Nadda.

I think the girl may have commitment issues (she did like me and even told me so on one of our dates!) but I'd be interested in hearing what someone else has to say on the "I don't see it going anywhere" line...

The answers he received (among others):
I think most likely you could be right, and she has commitment issues, and "freaked out.

This, of course, is incorrect.

The correct answer:

We will start with the line-"she did like me and even told me so on one of our dates!"

Any reader of average intelligence can easily tell that this girl did not "like" him. The girl didnt want to tell him or the shadchan the real reason, simply, because she did not want to sound shallow. The boy being dumped on his face had nothing to do with fear of commitment

The real reason he was dumped clearly had to do with looks or money, or both.
Initially, she though that with time she would be able to look past the problems she was having with the guy, but alas, this time never came. Comforting this boy with lies about "fear of commitment" will do him no good and continue to perpetuate his false hopes of landing a hotty. Honesty should be encouraged.

The other day I received an interesting email:

"Can you please start a thread about Yeshivot in Israel. Hakotel (Netiv
Aryeh) is obviously #1, but after that, it is not so clear."

Now, i have to be honest, Israeli yeshivaS are not my specialty, but I have encountered enough students from the various yeshivas for me to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of various yeshivas.

First off, no matter how selective or prestigous a yeshiva is, it will have its share of duds. The reason for this is that the selection committees dont make enough use of objective criteria such as standardized exams, and IQ tests. How many times have we seen the "top" student from the "top" yeshiva apply to law school, only to end up in Cardozo? Contrary to popular belief, hard work can take you very far in the yeshiva world, but once these students are faced with cold hard measurements of intelligence, their true colors show.

I will soon post my definitive ranking of Israeli yeshivas. The final rankings will surprise many, but you can be sure of one thing- Hakotel will not be anywhere near the top.

New poll: Whats the most "interesting" place youve taken (for girls: been taken) a girl on a date?

Ill go first: Empty warehouse.

A friend of mine showed me an article from the YU Observer. It reads:

"Although long overshadowed by Einstein, Cardozo has actually been slowly gaining in reputation since its founding. When it was only 10 years old, Cardozo was acknowledged as the best of the new law schools, and it has risen in repute since then, said YC and SCW pre-law advisor Dean Michael Hecht. Though when it first opened Cardozo was equitable with Brooklyn Law School, it is now considered basically on par with Fordham Law School and probably fourth among the city’s 15 law schools, said Hecht."

Now, maybe this holds true in the sheltered confines of the YU universe, but for regular folks, it is completely absurd. Most people who go to Fordham law, not only chose Fordham over Cardozo, but they also turned down significant scholarships at Cardozo for no money at Fordham.

Fordham, while not an elite academic institutions where one can be proud to attend, is a top tier school. Something Cardozo will never be. The fact that Cardozo is "overshadowed by Einstein" also speaks quite loudly to the low quality of the school. If YU students would step outside their alternate universe for just one second, they would finally realize how little respect they garner from both the yeshivish and adcademic/professional world. This is also why no one outside their little circle wants to date them.

Reader sends in this question:

"Mike, how do you have time to juggle the responsibilities involved in your elite profession, your work in your top academic institutions, and your multiple super hot girlfriends? All this and you still have to run a website?"

These are all good questions. Follow my teachings closely and you will soon find for the answers. For now, I will say this much: A man as important and busy as I am, clearly doesnt have time to put up all these posts on the computer, I, therefore, have many people writing these posts for me. There is, in fact, a strong possibility, that it isnt me who is writing this very post, but rather a underling of mine.

Upon further review of the End the Madness website, I have found a page that features signatures of those who agree with the covenant. I highly doubt that a single person who singed it has actually read the covenant because if they did, they would see that the first one reads "It is fundamentally wrong to judge someone based on non-Halachic externalities." Because he doesnt go into any further detail, Im assuming non-halachic externalities means looks, personality, intelligence, etc. Now, creating a dating system where people are not allowed to be judged based on their looks and intelligence would clearly benefit chananya, who lacks both. The system, however, would severely hurt those of us who have any standards at all. I, now ,know that the whole purpose behind ETM is creating a system which would reduce the number of times chananya gets dumped by girls.

Poll for guys: If you had a choice, would you rather marry a girl who is super wealthy or super hot?


The correct answer coming soon.

I receive many emails from readers asking me to comment on certain issues concerning Jewish dating, academia, and YU. One issue i receive many questions about is End the Madness. "mike, what is your opinion on "end the madness? Do you agree with their methods?" they ask. Allow me to answer.

Prior to receiving these emails, i had never heard of this organization. I assume endthemadness targets those Jewish singles who have trouble getting dates, A problem i have never encountered. I decided to finally take a look at their website, and must say, I have no idea what the purpose of endthemadness is, what they hope to accomplish, and how they will go about doing so. This is what i gathered thus far:

1)Its mission is "an ambitious and unique effort to combat the angst and hardships associated with dating in the religious Jewish community." Oddly enough, they fail to mention exactly which hardship or angst they are referring to, nor do they tell us what in gods' name "unique effort" means. So after reading the home page of endthemadness, the only thing i learned was that who ever writes for the website is an idiot.

2) Its goal - "Our goal is to give chizzuk to those who are revolted by the system but are dragged into it, intimidated by the threat of social exclusion. Let these people know that there are many thousands of serious, committed Jews all around the world who support them." Now i know that their mission is very different than their goal, and no details or further explanation is given. Confusing indeed, and starting to sound a little gay.

3) Its covenant- "I recognize that the dating problems of today are rooted in ignorance of Jewish law and ideals, which leads to pettiness and faulty judgment" The site then goes on to list some of the authors pet peeves, the first of which is: "It is fundamentally wrong to judge someone based on non-Halachic externalities." This makes it very clear that the head of this organization is quite ugly and has probably suffered through many rejections. Poor soul.

Clearly the website was no help at all, and I feel dumber for having viewed it. If the head of endthemadness or any of my readers know 1) what exactly does this organization hope to accomplish, and 2) how do they expect to go about doing so, email it to me or place it in my comment section (please, no more than 4 sentences)