Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Part d (final part) of lesson 1: Determining your value on the dating market.
As previously stated, a big problem in the shidduch world today is guys not knowing their value on the dating market. When a man thinks he is more socially desirable than he actually is, it causes him to turn down many girls who are in the same league as him, with the hopes of getting a girl who is way out of his league. Much of this delusion of grandeur stems from the fact that these men have never really asked girls out themselves, which would have resulted in the guy getting rejected to his face, and probably bring him back down to earth. Instead, these men get to hide behind a shadchan, never actually facing rejection, never hearing the real reason they arent getting a second or third date. The guy can tell himself "Oh, the super hot girl doesnt want to go out with me again because we dont exactly have the same religious levels? No problem, ill just keep looking until I find a hot girl who is the same religious level." To remedy this problem, a panel should be set up, which every Jew in the shidduch market would have to go in front of before he/she starts dating. There will be four levels of dating desirability, 1 being the lowest and 4 the highest. Many factors will go into this rating, but it will be mainly looks (for girls) and money (for guys). Every person will be assigned to a level (1-4) and they will only be able to date people in the same level. I of course would head this panel, with full veto power over any mistakes my panel-mates would make.
As previously stated, a big problem in the shidduch world today is guys not knowing their value on the dating market. When a man thinks he is more socially desirable than he actually is, it causes him to turn down many girls who are in the same league as him, with the hopes of getting a girl who is way out of his league. Much of this delusion of grandeur stems from the fact that these men have never really asked girls out themselves, which would have resulted in the guy getting rejected to his face, and probably bring him back down to earth. Instead, these men get to hide behind a shadchan, never actually facing rejection, never hearing the real reason they arent getting a second or third date. The guy can tell himself "Oh, the super hot girl doesnt want to go out with me again because we dont exactly have the same religious levels? No problem, ill just keep looking until I find a hot girl who is the same religious level." To remedy this problem, a panel should be set up, which every Jew in the shidduch market would have to go in front of before he/she starts dating. There will be four levels of dating desirability, 1 being the lowest and 4 the highest. Many factors will go into this rating, but it will be mainly looks (for girls) and money (for guys). Every person will be assigned to a level (1-4) and they will only be able to date people in the same level. I of course would head this panel, with full veto power over any mistakes my panel-mates would make.
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